Do Soulmates Exist? What I Believe About Love, Sovereignty and Finding Your Person

People sometimes ask me, “What’s the best thing you’ve ever manifested?”

My answer is always my husband.

Sometimes I’ve even said, “I manifested my soulmate.”

Although lately, I’ve become a little more careful with that word.

Not because I feel any differently about my husband. Quite the opposite.

It’s because I’ve started thinking about what we actually mean when we say soulmate and the enormous amount of pressure we’ve attached to the idea of finding “the one.”

We’re already supposed to find our purpose, build a meaningful life, become successful, heal our childhood wounds and figure out what we’re doing here.

Now apparently there is also one person, somewhere among eight billion people, whom our soul is destined to find.

No pressure.

So when people ask me, “Do you believe in soulmates?” I find myself hesitating.

I believe deeply in extraordinary love.

I believe there are people we meet whom we recognize on a level that is difficult to explain intellectually.

And yes, I believe I manifested my husband.

But I’m not sure I believe our job is to go searching for our missing half.

Because I don’t think we’re halves.

How I Manifested Love After Divorce

Years ago, after I had been divorced for quite some time, I was doing what I often do around New Year’s: thinking about the year ahead and writing my intentions in my journal.

And I wrote something very simple:

This is the year I am going to fall in love.

Six months later, I did.

I met the man who would become my husband.

It’s one of those experiences that makes it difficult for me to dismiss manifestation as coincidence.

I had set an intention. I had written it down. And within six months, the thing I had declared I was ready for appeared in my life.

But with the benefit of hindsight, I think there was more happening than simply writing a sentence in a journal and waiting for the universe to deliver a husband.

I was becoming available for love.

There’s a difference.

What If We’re Asking the Wrong Question About Finding a Soulmate?

We spend a lot of time asking:

How do I find my soulmate?

Maybe a better question is:

Who am I becoming capable of meeting?

Because the quality of relationship we can create with another person is deeply connected to the relationship we have with ourselves.

That doesn’t mean you need to be completely healed before you can fall in love.

I’m not sure any of us would ever get married if that were the requirement.

It means learning to belong to yourself first.

Learning what you value.

Learning to trust yourself.

Healing enough of your old patterns that you don’t require another person to prove your worth.

Learning to recognize the difference between love and rescue, chemistry and compatibility, attachment and genuine connection.

And perhaps most importantly, learning how to love yourself enough that you don’t disappear when you love someone else.

Why Falling in Love With Yourself Matters First

We hear the phrase “You have to love yourself before someone else can love you” all the time.

I don’t think that’s quite true.

You can be loved while you’re still healing. You can meet someone wonderful while you’re still figuring yourself out. And a healthy relationship can become part of that healing.

But I do believe something changes when you stop asking another human being to give you the belonging you haven’t learned to give yourself.

The more deeply you know and love yourself, the less willing you are to abandon yourself in order to keep someone else.

And that changes the kind of love you choose.

It changes what you tolerate.

It changes what you recognize.

It changes who feels attractive to you.

And it changes who you are capable of being in a relationship.

The Sovereign Queen and the Noble King

I think about this through the archetypes of the Sovereign Queen and the Noble King.

A Sovereign Queen isn’t a woman who doesn’t need anyone.

Sovereignty isn’t hyper-independence.

She can be powerful and receptive. Independent and deeply connected. Ambitious and nurturing. Strong enough to lead and safe enough within herself to be vulnerable.

She has learned to integrate both the masculine and feminine energies within herself rather than living entirely from one or rejecting the other.

And the Noble King has his own integration to do.

His strength doesn’t depend on controlling someone else.

He doesn’t need a woman to become smaller so that he can feel powerful.

His masculinity has room for emotional depth, tenderness, intuition and vulnerability.

This is where I think relationships become really interesting.

A Sovereign Queen doesn’t need a weak man in order to remain powerful. She can stand beside a Noble King.

And a Noble King doesn’t need to diminish a powerful woman in order to remain a man. He can stand beside a Sovereign Queen.

There is balance.

Not because one person possesses all the qualities the other lacks.

But because two whole people can bring different energies into a relationship without asking the other person to complete them.

Masculine and Feminine Energy in a Healthy Relationship

I don’t think masculine and feminine energy needs to mean rigid roles for men and women.

We all carry both.

There are times we lead, create structure, protect, decide and move forward.

And there are times we receive, intuit, nurture, soften and allow.

Part of becoming sovereign is developing a healthier relationship with both energies within ourselves.

Then a relationship isn’t built around two people trying to fill each other’s missing pieces.

There can be polarity without dependency.

Strength without domination.

Receptivity without powerlessness.

Two people can remain deeply themselves while creating something together that neither could create alone.

To me, that is much more interesting than the idea that somewhere out there is your missing half.

Did I Manifest My Soulmate?

I still think I did.

But perhaps not in quite the way I once thought.

I don’t think I placed an order with the universe for one specific human being and six months later he arrived.

I think setting that intention was also a declaration of readiness.

This is the year I am going to fall in love.

There is agency in that sentence.

I wasn’t saying, This is the year someone finally chooses me.

I was choosing love.

And part of choosing love was becoming a woman capable of receiving it without abandoning herself in the process.

That distinction matters.

Because I don’t want women walking around believing their soulmate hasn’t appeared because they haven’t manifested correctly, healed enough, raised their vibration enough or become sufficiently spiritual.

That simply turns love into another achievement.

I also don’t believe you need to become some perfectly evolved Sovereign Queen before a Noble King is allowed to appear.

We continue becoming ourselves inside relationships too.

Sometimes the right relationship is part of our healing.

Sometimes another person lovingly shows us the places where we are still protecting, performing or hiding.

The goal isn’t perfection.

It’s wholeness.

So, Do I Believe We All Have a Soulmate?

Yes.

But my definition of a soulmate has changed.

I don’t think your soulmate is your missing half.

I think a soulmate may be someone who can meet you deeply because neither of you is asking the other to make you whole.

Someone who expands your life without requiring you to leave yourself to love them.

Someone whose strength doesn’t diminish yours.

Someone with whom you can continue becoming more fully yourself.

And maybe that’s why I’ve become less interested in telling people to find their soulmate.

I would rather tell them:

Fall in love with your own life.

Become deeply acquainted with yourself.

Heal what keeps making you abandon yourself.

Bring your own masculine and feminine into greater balance.

Become your own Sovereign Queen or Noble King.

Not because doing those things guarantees the universe will send you a partner.

Do them because this is your life.

And then, if an extraordinary soul walks into it, you won’t need them to complete you.

You’ll simply be able to recognize each other.

Maybe that’s what happened to me.

Maybe the best thing I ever manifested wasn’t simply my husband.

Maybe somewhere along the way, I became ready for the kind of love I had written about in my journal.

And six months later, love met me there.

Stay in My World

If this made you think differently about love, sovereignty, or the relationship you have with yourself, come find me on Instagram.

I share more about what it means to come home to yourself, trust your own inner knowing, and create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.

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